someone get that fucking seahorse.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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