Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
