just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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