Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
