i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
