so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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