Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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