my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When are your genitals available?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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