i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
