Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
