I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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