Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will be naked everywhere
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize