Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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