my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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