just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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