I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The best revenge is premature balding
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
