At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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