nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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