I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
