I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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