i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize