But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
God I need to hump something, right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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