Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
