HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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