But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
