She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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