apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
