I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
