You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
