He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
