i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
