you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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