so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
