So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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