I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
