Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
