Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
