Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
