yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
