I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize