So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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