Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
