I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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