FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
