careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
