people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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