just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
