Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
