Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
