So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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