She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
