Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
