my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
