R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
