So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
