pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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