Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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