I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
