Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
false alarm. still invincible.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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