Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
