well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
