ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
