we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
