I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
