Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
