So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
