I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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