one two three fourrrrnication!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found puke in my bra..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
