Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
