i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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