My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
