In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
