i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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