what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
