i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Small penises have feelings too.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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