the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
