it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
