dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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