I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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