That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
honey bunches of taint.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
