I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
