good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
