the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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