It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
