It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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