btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
