She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
