I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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