the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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