Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
