How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
