just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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