How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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